


You have to fall, to find ourselves

by possessed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Angelic Grace, Blood, Castiel's First Kiss, Fallen Angels, Human Castiel, Hurt, M/M, Pain, Painkillers, Stitches, Wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 19:08:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8296922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possessed/pseuds/possessed
Summary: Is Castiel’ s fall- the worst moment in his life can change in to beginning of something beautiful.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy :)

Metatron cut Castiel' s neck, by an angel's blade and slip little bottle to wound which was soaked of blood. The grace started run out straight to it. Overpowered Cas felt how the grace was running out of his body and he is becoming a human. He felt first symptoms of his new life, without a grace, the pain caused of a wound, fear, uncertainty... When he was an angel he never felt something like that.

Metatron was telling something, but every word was like unnecessary, senseless babble to Cas. Castiel struggled and tried to utter something, but the wound make it successfully impossible.  
Metatron gently rubbed angel’ s neck by his hand and the wound disappeared taking the pain with. Metatron again started telling something, but stunned by the whole situation Cas didn’t tried to understand him. Metatron covered his forehead by his hand and then piercingly bright light flashed.

Cas woke up on the ground among the fallen brown leaves. The first thing what he have felt was terrible pain in his back. He tried to touch them, to make sure if this is what he was thinking, but when he did that, quickly pulled back his hand, because it caused awful pain. He looked at his hand, all covered by blood. He knew what is happening. He lost his grace, fell and what this entailed, he lost his wings.

“Cas? Cas?!” He heard someone was calling him, but he couldn’t identified where the voice comes and to whom it belonged. “Cas. God… Easy, I am here, you will be ok.”

He knew whose voice it is. Dean, it is Dean, the human, who has always trusted and that he will definitely help him. Dean ran and knelt beside the wounded angel. Cas started to cry, the pain was hellish, but he felt already save.

“Dean I…”- Cas tried to say something, but the breath when he speaking made him awful pain. Dean grabbed his hand to reassure him and stroked his head affectionately. He looked at the bloodied back of friend’ s trench coat.  
“Cas what happened to you?” Dean asked, stroking him as gently as he could on his arm.  
“Metatron… he took my grace” Cas barely audibly gasped. Dean flinched and momentarily stopped stroking Castiel’ s arm.

“So, you are human now?” Cas nodded and leaned his forehead on the Dean’ s knee. ” It' s nothing, we'll deal with it, but you have to show me your wounds.” Cas shuddered at the thought of the pain it will make it, but he trusted Dean and knew that he will do everything to hurt the least.  
“Easy, I will be gentle.” Dean slowly put the angel on his belly and slid his coat from his shoulders. The whole shirt was blotchy of blood. As gently as he could, he pulled his shirt from his belt and lifted it up. It scared him what he saw. Two large, oblong wounds extending through the length of the blades. The blood was trickling of these like streams. Dean pulled a shirt to the right place and moved closer to Castiel’ s face.  
“This wounds are after wings? They ripped out it to you?” Cas nodded, tears flowed from his incredible blue eyes. Dean wiped them with his thumb and stroked his cheek. ” It isn't big deal. We will handle with everything, with wounds and with loss of grace. Don’t worry. I will take you to the bunker and I will take care of you. Come on, I will help you to stand up and we’ll drive there. Dean turn him aside and grabbed him. With each Cas’ s movement of his mouth coming out groan or muffled cry. Dean saw how big pain he made to him, so he decided to carry him. He grab him and slung over his shoulder. Castiel the last time let out a sound of him mouth and allowed to take him because it did not give him pain. Dean went to the Impala and opened the back door. He settled in Cas on the back seat and thrusting under his head rolled trench coat. Cas sighed in relief when he was lying comfortably in hot impala. Dean also covered him with a blanket. He got behind steering wheels.

They have gone away a bit, Dean was asking Cas over and over again about it’ s all alright. Cas exhausted and weakened by loss of blood just nodded and dozed off. When Dean parked at the entrance to the bunker got out quickly and carried out barely conscious Cas. He went into the bunker with friend on hand. Sam sat at a big table with a map and looked something on the laptop. He heard the crack of the door and looked on the stairs. When he saw the brother with the angel who overflowed of his hands, he stood up knocking over the chair on which he sat and ran to them.

“What happened?!” Sam watched friends closely wondering what could have caused such a shirt was soaked with blood.

“Metatron is a cheater… And he took him his grace. These wounds are after the ripped wings.” Dean barely passed it through his throat. A fast pace he walked to his room. Sam opened the door and removed the sheets from the bed. Dean put the angel on his stomach and brushed his hair from his forehead. Sam brought a bowl of water, hydrogen peroxide and bandages. He put them on the bedside table and looked at his brother, who affectionate stroked of Cas’ s head.

“Help you with something else?” Sam asked and Dean looked away from the pain of a pinched face of an angel. “No I have to bear him and he should get rest”  
“Fine, I'll go after painkillers and something to eat” Sam quietly left, closing the door.  
Dean approached the angel, gently undid his shirt buttons and pulled of his arm. Now he could see the wounds. They didn’t look well, they were so deep, how to look at could be seen even bone. Dean looked at Cas’ s face. I do not really know what was happening to him, but he did not care because he knew he was in good hands.

“I have to clean up the wounds and staple. I'll try not to hurt.” Cas could only slow nodded. Dean grab one of waste rags and dipped in lukewarm water. Squeeze it gently and rubbed his friend’ s left blade. Cas hissed and tensed muscles. Dean patted him calming on the shoulder and rubbed the right part of the back. Having cleansed bloody back took for disinfecting wounds. Cas barely conscious, he felt pain and tried to get away from the touch.

“Easy, I have to clean them. Just a moment and I'm done.” Dean tried as soon as possible and as closely as possible to do his job. When he finished from Cas mouth let out groan of relief. The boy really wished that makes me have so much pain and how much is forced to make. Dean went to his desk and pulled out of a drawer a small box. From inside pulled surgical thread and needle. Slipped it on a needle and slow movements began to stitch the two edges of the wound. Cas could not stand, it anymore it was too much. Cas flexed his muscles involuntarily and pressed his face into the pillow

“Easy Cas. You have to relax, because I Can’t stitch you.” Dean massaged his muscles by his fingers, keeping away from the wounds. Cas felt a gentle touch and gradually began to relax. “Very good”

Dean continued to surgery, and when he finished he founded bandage. Cas barely contacted, but he knew that Dean has just finished his passion. Winchester corrected a pillow and covered the angel by blanket.  
‘’Thank you”- Cas whispered.  
‘’ You're welcome. I've always been, I am and I will be with you. And now sleep, do not worry, you're safe here.”

“Can you, stand with me until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone” Dean surprised nodded and sat down on a chair next to the bed.

“Don’t be afraid. Sleep well. I will be here all night.- Cas smiled a little and fall asleep.

Dean how he promised watched friend all night. Cas slept peacefully, and Dean could not get a good look like he sweet looked. Dean’ s reverie was interrupted, however, a soft knock on the door. Quietly he opened the door. Behind them was Sam, who tried hard to look his brother over his shoulder to see how the angel was doing.

“What about him ?”   
“No bad. I have stitched his wounded, he was exhausted, so he fall asleep. He asked me to stay with him, because he was a little bit scared of this situation. Not only did it so brutally deprived of wings is not too much know how to find his way in the new situation ” 

“Sure. Here you are, I bought a painkillers. It might be useful tomorrow.” Sam gave his brother a plastic vial of pills.” Also I made a chicken stew, is in the fridge. If I will be needed, I am on my room.

-Thanks- Dean smiled and closed the door.

The rest of the night also kicked off without any unnecessary incidents

Cas woke up until morning. Dean went straight to bed and knelt next to the head of a friend

“Hay. How are you?”

“My back are hurt.” Cas croaked tearful voice, not at all similar to his own.

“I'll give you drugs and would be better. You are not accustomed to pain, so I am not surprised of your react. Come, I will help you sit up. “Dean gently turned angel on his back and pulled up by sitting. He planted his pillow under cross and head to relieve shoulder and give him a bottle with drugs and a glass of water.” Swallow, immediately start working and you will not hurt so much”

Cas obediently carry out an order. Dean took from him a empty glass, and put on a table.

“You may need something?” Dean sat on the edge of the bed.

I am not sure, I have this strange feeling” Cas rubbed his belly “ I don’t know what that mean.

Dean thought a moment, until came up with what it could be.

“Oh Cas You may simply in the world you are hungry” Dean smiled in response to the Cas’ s awkwardness in human affairs. “I’ll bring you something.” Dean got up and left the room. He returned after a while with a bowl of stew with chicken prepared by Sam.- Here you are. Sam prepared it especially for you” Dean put a tray with meal next to Cas on the sheets. Cas picked up the spoon and hissed in pain.

“Wait, do not overextend yourself. I'll help you.” Dean sat on the bed, grabbed the spoon and held to angel’ s mouth. Cas confused looked at Dean don’t knowing what to do. Dean smiled seeing Cas’ s embarrassment. “I'll feed you. Open your mouth” Dean said that that voice which he used to speak to the children. Cas obediently opened his mouth. Carefully chewed each bite, trying to get a taste of dish. Dean and smile never left his lips. He was glad that he could help a friend even at this trifle and support him in the hardest moments. When he finished to feed him they began the world simply to talk like old friends. For once in their conversation does not creep in a topic related to hunters and this whole supernatural mess. Dean helped Cas to find out of all aspects of human life. He explained him every feeling: hunger, tiredness, fear, even need to visit the toilet. Cas although it was on the ground for thousands of years had no idea even about the most obvious issues. Dean patiently explained everything to him. Cas absorbed every friend’ s word like a sponge. He had to admit that he really like to listen him. Even if weaved what falls into it was a very admission to chatter. As the angel never felt something like that. Always guided by the common good, serving God, he didn’t have time to pay attention to what could have been a good for him. He did not know the feelings that engulfed him. Such pleasant warmth filling in the belly, the compressibility in his chest when he looked at him with those green eyes. He did not know what it is, but he like it.

Dean also began to feel something for this angel, always tied them to cool relations, like in the army, and now that he could help him correct pillow, wrapping up him by the duvet, when he complained that he was cold, he could talk to him, so natural, that he could change his bandage, stroking it with this gently on the side, he could just be with him.

Dean spent days with Castiel. Until he got better, he sat with him and sometimes with Sam in the room next to his bed, and when he was able to walk without much discomfort and pain, he began to show him the world through the eyes of man. He took to the movie theater, to the park, and even an amusement park. He'd take him wherever he wanted. For his life's mission instituted care not only on the Sam, but also now and over callow angel.  
Sam's mind, of course, did not miss it as the two approached, even though they themselves do not fully understand their feelings. Cas did not know what love is and he could not show it but it seemed that he would like, and Dean is too ashamed of it, especially since it was addressed does not look like to a man. Sam decided to refer these two morons on the right track. He thought that with Cas the conversation will go easier, sop began of him. Dean wasn’t in the bunker, because he was doing shopping. Such an opportunity does not get often so he decided to use it. He went to the door of the Cas’ s room. (After a few nights spent in the bunker and the improvement of the condition he got his own that Dean could sleep in his own bed) and knock softly. Cas said quietly that he could enter so he opened the door. 

“Hey Cas, I do not bother you ?” Cas was sitting on the bed , holding one of the men’ s of letter’s book. “ Can we talk?”  
“Of course. Something happened?” Cas put the book down.  
“No, but I would like to talk with you” Sam sat on the edge of the bed.  
“About what?” Cas frowned don’t knowing what might want the young Winchester.  
“About you… And Dean.” Sam didn’t know how to begin, nor how carry this conversation, to bring the desired result. Last you came near to each other, what? You get to like to each other. It was always just so soldierly, and now you talk normally.

-I was solider of God, I couldn’t familiarize. A Dean those probably fit.”

“It fits, because I did not know that it can be otherwise.” Sam took a deep breath “ Listen, I know that recently you are human, and all these feelings are new to you, but tell me. You feel something for him?”  
Cas embarrassed. He did not know what to say, something felt, but was it love? How could he know?

“I don’t know that what I fell when he is near to me, it’s love.” So chatt about symptoms of love will be necessary- Sam thought. 

“ So how you fell then?”

“I am warm, even hot, a little, as they say ... I am nervous. I really like when he looks at me, he has a beautiful color of eyes. And sometimes something happens to me I do not know if it's good or bad.”  
”What happening?” Cas he approached to Sam as if afraid that someone hears them. That what he said, caused that Sam almost breaks out into hysterical laughter. He knew that Cas did not understand some of human’s bodies behavior, but this is not what he expected. He didn’t expected that the angel will share with him something so intimate.

“ Cas... you know… this is the symptom of that you like someone… very like ” Sam didn’t know how should react, he did not want to delve into such intimate topics with an angel. “ That of course nothing bad, it’s normal reaction, excitement…  
Cas terribly ashamed of it all what they were telling, but he felt that Sam supported him in his feelings.

”Cas, I think you should tell Dean what you feel. I am sure he will understand it.”- But I should tell with him first.  
“You think?” Cas looked at Sam with his blue eyes anxiously.  
“Yes of course. You have to be honest and forgiving. He will also be nervous of this conversation.”  
“Well I talk to him, when he comes back. Thanks Sam. I appreciate that”  
“You're welcome. I'll send him here when he comes back” Cas smiled sincerely. Sam patted him on the shoulder and left the room to Cas he could think things through.  
So the easier part is done. Now I only need to talk to my brother. Oh, God ... it will be probably more difficult conversation than the one from years about hell.

Sam heard a metallic slamming door. Quickly went to catch his brother before it disappears for good in his room.

She grabbed him as he was going into the kitchen with shopping bags full of products.

”I bought a supply of beer, enough to us for a few days”.-Dean began teaching shopping cupboards and fridge. When he had finished he took two beers and sat down together with his brother at the table.

“What, something happened?” - Dean opened a beer and, and gave to brother.  
“No, I want to talk” Dean sat on the opposite side of the table and began to look at his brother. “I reserve only, do not be mad at me and hear me out.”  
„Ok...?- Dean already on the slogan "do not be mad," he did anxious and suspicious  
“ what do you think about Cas?”  
“ He is a good friend, what should I think?” Dean sipped beer  
“ You like him?” Dean looked suspiciously at Sam.  
“Yyy... Yes” Stammered  
“ Only like?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“ Nothing, I just ask” Sam tried to calm tone control coming brother’ s explosion.  
“Are you trying to convince me that I love him?”  
“And it is not so?”  
“ No, of course not. He is a man, They do not interest me!” Dean stand up and start screaming.  
“ Calm down, I know he is not inert to you. Admit it.”  
“ No, I am not homo!”  
“Look, I do not judge you. I'm tolerant. Do not be afraid that you will be reject or criticize, because I am not going. Tell me what you feel?”  
Dean calmed down and confused. He did not think that it would ever come out. Already he preferred his life hiding his feelings than to have to talk about it openly and it's still with his brother. He tried to hide this, but it was especially so heavy that he had seen an angel every day.

“I do not know ... Somehow ...” Dean constantly interrupted choosing his words carefully.” I think I like him. I tried to fight it, but I realized that I can’t suppress it decided to start to hide it.”  
“You are bad at this” Sam laughed friendships to lighten the atmosphere a little. “I talked to him.”  
“And what did he say?” Dean regained full strength and jumped.  
“Do not know” He decided that he will not tell him, he will not spoil him of that religion, that are sure to hear from Cas, and by the way he will tease a little bit. “You have to ask. I told him I will send you to his room when you come back. Talk to him, explain everything. Both of you deserve.”  
Dean smiled and hugged Sam. This Dean’ s gesture a little surprised him, but he was glad that his brother react like that. Dean released him and briskly walked towards to Cas’ s room.

As Sam foresaw he was terribly stressed, because when he reached the room knocked by shaking hand. Without waiting for permission he came gently opening the door to the room.  
Cas was sitting at his desk dressed in one of the flannel shirts, which Dean gave him.  
“Hay… Cas…” Dean stammered terribly, had no idea that the welcome will be so cramp. But he saw that as soon as he spoke those Cas' s eyes lit up. He saw them, he was stressed too and do not know how to react, but he really wanted to tell him something, something that kept closed under lock and key for himself for a long time.

“Dean I ... I have to tell you something.” Called-up after a long moment of silence.  
“No, wait. I want to tell you something” Dean interrupted him gathered up the courage. I was hidden it so long. Dean sat on the bed holding very close to the man “Even in the days when you were a full-fledged angel I felt it, but seeing how you treat me, I crushed it. “Dean swallowed stressed’’ But since you have fallen and so drastically changed their attitude towards me and I was harder to hide what I felt.  
Cas- stood up and sat down at on the bed near to Dean. Now Dean felt the proximity of Cas and was unable to utter anything. Castiel noticed discomfort Dean and borne human feeling not entirely known him a little he decided to help him.  
“You do not need anything more to say, Dean. I know how you feel and I feel the same.” Dean looked puppy's, embarrassed glance at Cas.  
“I did not think that I ever tell that to anyone and I will do that to man, but… “Dean looked deep blue iris “I love you.”  
Cas smiled and touched man’ s cheek. That was too much for Dean, grabbed Castiel’ s face in his hands and pressed his lips to his. Cas surprised for a moment not enthusiastic in the kiss, but after a while he began to give back it. Dean's lips were so soft, that Cas almost melted. Dean was neither too soft nor too pushy, twisted his head, gently nipped and licked Cas’ s his lower lip. This kiss was for Cas the first in his life and he really liked it. He was scared at the beginning, but he was sure that Dean feels the same as he, and that he did not cheat, that kiss meant something more.  
Dean knew perfectly well that Cas has never been with someone so close that had never kissed, because he knew that he must be gentle, but firm, not frighten him, but can’t allow that after this first event he remained unsatisfied or even disgust.

Cas began to shake, Dean felt it and gripped Cas in his waist. Cas put his hands on Dean's neck and carried a strange feeling tried to raise the language, which has so far quietly waited his mouth. Dean sensed that Cas is no longer so shy that he is trying something more, so he allowed it. He opened his mouth and let the angel to try. Cas slowly getting know everything, he was glad that Dean respects that it is in all this a beginner. Dean after a while began to move the tongue, which caused at Cas a murmur of satisfaction. They not interrupted a passionate kiss, until the moment when both ran out of air. Both breathed heavily for a moment and have closed eyes. They enjoyed themselves holding their faces so close that they could breathe the same air. Dean gently stroked Cas and the reddened mouth. The man smiled and kissed her on the forehead and Dean, when he returned to the same gesture.

“I love you too” Cas melted fingers thick blond hair. Dean and Cas kissed again, but much softer barely brushing his lips on lips. After a while they broke apart and hugged by seemed to be hours. So it would now look like their new life, two people who have found themselves, which could forever be together in the good and in these difficult times, supporting each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) I appreciate every comments and kudos <3
> 
> This is my first fanfic in English. English isn't my main language, so you can expect a wrongs. ;)


End file.
